


never gonna measure up

by courageinmyconvinctions



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: F/M, rafe x sophie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:41:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29305929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courageinmyconvinctions/pseuds/courageinmyconvinctions
Summary: a four part story
Relationships: Rafe Cameron/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey, you’re flying back with me, right?” Sophie murmured, trying not to disturb Rafe too much if he was asleep.

The two were cuddled up in his bed on their last full day of break before going back to school - both of them had agreed to get back before the annual back-to-school Delt senior party for the spring semester.

New Year’s Eve had came and went without incident, though Sophie tried to ignore the small twist in her stomach upon hearing after the fact that one of their high school classmates had rented out a bar for them and their friends on the mainland - drinks included and all. (Rafe had tried to play it off, saying he pitched in for their share so she wouldn’t stress, but an extra-drunk classmate let it spill halfway through the night.)

She felt most at ease when it was just the two of them together, usually Rafe lying on top of her with eyes shut as she combed her fingers through his hair. Since the Christmas party, they’d hung out almost every day. Sophie hadn’t stopped thinking about what she told Rafe on that night, but he had just chalked it up to a combination of her overthinking and being tipsy. Besides, he figured she hadn’t brought it up to him since then, so it was fine. Right?

“Uh...no, I just got the one-way flight to go with you. You can come back with me if you’d like.” Rafe shifted onto his side to look at her, a crooked elbow propping up his head.

She furrowed her brow. “But you left your car in Columbus. How are you getting back?”

He shrugged. “My dad’s plane?”

Sophie blinked. “Your dad has a plane?” 

“Yeah, the airstrip’s just twenty minutes up the island.”

“Right.” She rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. He frowned and moved to hover over her, forearms on either side of her head. “Hey. It’s not a big deal, but I wanted to offer it up.”

She laughed at his proximity and lifted her head slightly to bump her nose against his. “It’s okay, I already have the return flight. Think it’s too late to cancel.” 

“Your funeral.” He grinned and kissed along her jaw and down her neck lazily, pushing up the hem of her sweatshirt with his hands. She squirmed a little but didn’t let out even a tiny moan, far too distracted by the fact that Rafe had a fucking _private plane_ to concentrate on where his lips and hands were going. He teased his thumb across her hip, pleased when she pressed into him a little in response, but frowned when he noticed her staring off into space.

“Soph.”

“Huh?” She glanced down at him, cheeks going red.

He laughed and nipped gently at her collarbone. “What’s on your mind, space cadet?”

She made a show of glancing at her watch and frowned. “I have to go. Mom’s going to kill me if I’m not home for the last family dinner before going back.” He pulled away with a small frown to match and gave her a sweet kiss. “Alright. Can I take you to the airport tomorrow?”

Sophie shook her head. “My dad’s going to, but I have an early flight and I’ll see you tomorrow night for the party. Deal?” She moved to get up, but Rafe slipped his arm around her waist, pinning her in place. She laughed, pushing at him. “Rafe, seriously.”

“I was kind of hoping we could spend our last night here together...you know, before we have to go back to separate beds and roommates...” He trailed off, smirking at the insinuation. She rolled her eyes but grinned. “If I can sneak out tonight, I’ll climb the tree to get in your room. But you have to get me back to my house by five am, I leave for my flight at six thirty.” 

“I hate when you do that, you’re gonna fall and hurt yourself. Just come to the door like a normal person.” He slipped his fingers up her sweatshirt again, trailing them up her spine.

She scowled, slightly ticklish but not wanting to show it. “And park my brother’s shitty old car next to your dad’s Range Rover? No thanks.”

“Who cares? No one’s gonna see it.”

Sophie was grateful for her phone ringing again with her annoyed mother on the other line to interrupt their conversation. “Can you drive me home?”

“Yeah, of course.” He hopped up and stuffed his feet into sneakers as she hurriedly answered and explained to her mom that actually, Rafe was driving her home right now and she’d be back soon. He shot her a knowing grin and she put her a finger to her lips as she listened to her mom’s annoyed huff, heading downstairs with him.

Once she walked up the drive to her house, waving goodbye to Rafe over her shoulder, she couldn’t stop thinking about what he said. _No one’s gonna see it._ Like he would be embarrassed if someone did see the car in broad daylight, knowing it was hers. Or was she just overthinking it?

__

Later that night, she called him, murmuring into the phone. “Hi. I can’t come over.”

“Huh? Why not, your mom’s trapping you in? Wait, why are you whispering?” He matched her tone with his last sentence.

She laughed softly. “No, but it’s eleven thirty and I’m still not finished packing. My parents are asleep. But I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Hmmm...what are the odds you can stay quiet?” He smirked and she could practically hear it through the phone.

“Huh? I’m whispering right now.”

“No, if I came over?”

“I don’t understand.”

He laughed. “If I came over, and we happened to just have sex...”

She cringed, the flirting not nearly as sexy once he had to explain it. “My mom would kill me, Rafe, she thinks I’m still a virgin. I still remember when I was fourteen and had my first boyfriend, she told me I couldn’t have sex until I was responsible enough for a child.”

“Jesus.” He laughed. “I don’t think my dad ever gave me the sex talk. Just put a box of condoms on my bed one day and called it good.”

“Lovely. That sounds more enjoyable than my experience.”

“Hm. Yes and no. So you’re serious, I can’t come over?”

She hummed into the phone. “Not unless you’re an expert at packing. I swear I didn’t bring this much stuff home, I don’t know what to do with all of it.”

“Dunno. I’ll see you tomorrow night, will you pack that black dress? It has all the strappy things and it’s kinda drapey in the back.” There was rustling and the jingling of his keys in the background.

“You got it. Hey, Rafe?” 

“Yeah?”

“I, um.” She paused. “I’m sorry you can’t stay over for the night. I did want to spend more time with just us, you know?”

“Hey, I know, don’t stress about it. I’ll see you soon enough.” With that he hung up, leaving Sophie just a little more reassured. What she didn’t know was that he was already in his car, making his way over to her house anyways. It only took ten or so minutes for him to park his car at the end of her street and walk up, trying his best to be subtle about it. He cursed quietly when her back door creaked open, that Sophie had briefly mentioned was always unlocked - then stopped right in his tracks.

Her dad was in the kitchen in sweats and a t-shirt, retrieving a bottle of water from the fridge. “Rafe?”

“Mr. Flint! Uh...hey!” He kept his voice quiet, unsure if he’d wake the rest of the house.

“It’s Jeff, kiddo. What are you doing here?” He glanced over Rafe’s attire, with his hood up and feet shoved into untied Nikes.

“Right, Jeff, sorry about that. I...uh...Sophie, y’know...” He fumbled for an excuse but couldn’t come up with a single one, trailing off into embarrassed silence.

“Sophie’s sleeping, upstairs. Alone.” He added pointedly, but kept a good-natured smile with Rafe. “Unless there’s something I don’t know?”

Rafe shook his head quickly. “No sir, nothing at all. I’m just gonna head out, actually, forgot why I came over. My bad.”

“Right.” Her dad regarded Rafe with a mixed look of confusion and also slight recognition, but seemed as if he didn’t want to think about why Rafe was sneaking over so late. “Have a good night, Rafe.”

“Yes sir, you too!” He couldn’t get out of there fast enough, cursing under his breath as he made the walk of shame back to his car. Once he quietly closed the driver’s door, he paused, contemplating texting Sophie and trying again to see if she’d help him sneak in - then reconsidered. Her dad seemed to like him just enough, and actually seemed interested when Rafe told him about his film minor - something his dad had just dismissed as a waste of time. He didn’t want to trade one extra night with Sophie for losing her dad’s trust.

_

Still embarrassed about being caught, Rafe didn’t reach out to Sophie all next day except to text her and confirm that she had landed safely, then to let her know that he was on his way. The Snapchat she received from him, with the view out the window and then a glimpse of the inside of the plane, made her want to die just a little. She got it when she was getting lunch with her roommates Julia and Allie later that day, and made a clear face of disdain upon opening it. She hadn’t mentioned Rafe once in the three hours they’d been back together, and the girls knew something was up.

Julia raised her eyebrows. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Huh?” Sophie asked, eyes still trained on her phone. Allie leaned over to look at the screen and did a double take. “Wait, is that a private plane?”

“Yeah.” Sophie paused and set the phone on the table to show Julia. “Unfortunately.”

“I thought you knew he was rich, why is this a bad thing? Think of all the vacations he could take you on.” Julia questioned.

“Think of all the vacations I _can’t_ take him on.” Sophie replied, slumping back in her seat. “Hey Rafe, I know you took me to, I don’t know, the Bahamas, but I can take you on a five and a half hour road trip to Chicago to stay in a basic hotel instead of the Ritz Carlton you’re used to.” She dropped the facetious tone, wrinkling her nose. “I’m never gonna measure up.”

Allie frowned. “Sophie, I’m sure that doesn’t matter to him.”

“I don’t know.” She crossed her arms, thinking again about his off-handed comment about the car. _No one’s gonna see it._

“Did he bring it up or something?” Julia asked, cocking her head.

“No, but. I met his dad and he mentioned some girl, Lexie something? They were in some group project together this semester and his dad tried to set them up. He thought I was her when I went to their Christmas party.”

“It’s not Lexie Rhodes, is it?” Allie was a marketing major too, and often had classes overlapping with Rafe.

“Wait, you know her? Oh god, how bad is it? Not that I think he’s cheating, he’d never -”

“Sophie, stop.” Allie grabbed her arm to cut her off. “She’s had a steady boyfriend since freshman year. And you know he wouldn’t do that to you.”

She sighed, a little in relief and more in frustration. “I know. That’s the problem.” 

“...The problem is that he won’t cheat on you? Do you hear yourself?” Julia cocked her head and kicked Sophie’s shin under the table.

“Ow, hey!” Sophie scowled. “I know, I sound ridiculous. I can’t explain it. It’s all moving so fast and he got me the nicest present ever for Christmas, I almost cried in front of him and then I went home and cried more.”

“Crying in front of a boy? Actually showing your feelings? Who are you and what have you done with our Sophie?” Allie teased, poking Sophie’s arm.

“Look, you don’t want to break up with him, right?” Julia asked.

“No, no, of course not.” Sophie shook her head quickly. 

“Okay. So you just need to tell him how you’re feeling, be upfront. He doesn’t care if you have money or not, that boy practically worships the ground you walk on.” Julia told her, and Allie nodded in agreement. “He does.”

“Hardly.” Sophie stirred her straw in her drink, trying to distract herself. “I’m just going to give myself time, I didn’t stress about this when we were both at school. I’ll chill out, promise.”

“Are you promising us or yourself?” Allie raised her eyebrows.

“Good question.”


	2. take a break

Around midnight that night, Rafe and Sophie were at the back-to-school party and Sophie was pleasantly surprised with how normal it all felt between the two. She told herself she fit in more wearing a minidress, knocking back lukewarm Coors Light in an old college basement rather than wearing a cocktail dress, drinking expensive vodka in a mansion. She didn’t let herself drink too much, afraid she’d spill her thoughts to Rafe. He did enough drinking for the two of them throughout the night and was thriving in the crowd with a bravado that came far too natural to him. 

“How do you feel about me, really?” Rafe asked Sophie, slurring just a little. He had his lips brushing her ear to be heard over the crowd and was leaning into her against the wall. “What do you mean? I like you, you know that.” She pushed his chest gently, making him stand straight again. 

“No, for real. Because I have something important to tell you, but I need to know how you feel.” He leaned close again and she felt uneasy, trying not to let herself overthink what he might mean. “Rafe, not now.” 

He frowned. “I wanna tell you. It’s special.” 

“Then tell me later. Only if you mean it.”

After he had tripped over a stray lamp cord and nearly took Sophie down with him, James and Colin had been watching Rafe, ready to save him from embarrassment. They’d been listening in and intervened when they heard the topic he brought up. “Rafe, dude, come get water with us.” (Everything had to be phrased as a group suggestion - drunk Rafe never accepted commands.) 

Rafe paused, glancing back and forth between them and Sophie. “No, I want Sophie to come, I gotta tell her.” 

“I don’t think you do.” Colin shook his head and grabbed Rafe’s arm, trying to pull him away.

Rafe huffed and flailed his arm out of Colin’s grip. “Fine, fine! Soph, baby, you gonna be okay?” She laughed and gave him a gentle push. “I’ll be just fine, I think you should go with the boys. Sounds fun.” He nodded and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Okay, but I’ll be right back. Don’t leave me.” 

“Won’t, promise. Go.” She shot a grateful smile to Rafe’s roommates and James grinned, giving her a cheesy salute as he tugged Rafe away to the kitchen. Colin rolled his eyes as he followed behind, then handed Rafe a bottle of water the second they walked in. “Here, drink.” 

“No, no, I’m good. I’m great.” Rafe pushed away the bottle, opting to take a long gulp from his solo cup instead. 

“That’s fine, I bet James can drink it faster anyways.” Two seconds after Colin handed the bottle to James, Rafe snatched it out of his hand and chugged the whole thing, crushing it in his hand. “Look! I did it.” 

“There we go.” James nodded. “Old tricks always work.” 

“Hey, guys.” Rafe accepted a White Claw from Colin, the boys figuring it was mainly water anyways. “I’m gonna tell Sophie I love her. Tonight.”

“Hell no you’re not.” Colin laughed. 

“You don’t wanna do that buddy, you’re better than that.” James shook his head, moving to block the kitchen door just in case Rafe made a run for it. 

Rafe frowned. “S’not fair. I’ve felt it for months now and I don’t wanna say it if she won’t.” 

“Months? I thought you told us you knew after formal. Which was early. It’s still early.” Colin added, ever-practical. 

James shrugged. He had been dating his high school sweetheart long-distance for three years now and was the hopeless romantic of the three. “That doesn’t matter. If you know, you know. That’s fine. But we’re not gonna let you make a fool of yourself for it, Rafe, you’re drunk off your ass right now.” 

“Drunk on my feet.” Rafe corrected, looking a little smug. 

“Sure, drunk on your feet. I was thinking about heading home, you wanna walk home? You’re too old to be missing classes for being hungover, even during syllabus week.” Colin reasoned. 

“Can I say ‘bye to Sophie?” 

“Just good night, no L-word.” James told him, and Rafe nodded. “No L-word.” 

The three made their way back out from the kitchen and Rafe found Sophie quickly, greeting her with a misplaced kiss on the corner of her lips. “Sophie, we’re gonna go home. No L-word though.” 

“No...what?” She asked with confusion as James smacked his forehead. “I can’t hear you, Rafe, it’s too loud.” 

“Good, we’re just gonna take him home!” Colin jumped in quickly, letting Rafe kiss Sophie again before tugging him away. Sophie watched them go, amused but utterly confused, hoping she was just assuming things too quickly from earlier.

_

After a week back at school, Sophie had hardly talked to Rafe. Her head spun every time she speculated on what he might have been trying to tell her, and she wasn’t sure she could handle it. She tried to be subtle about pushing Rafe off, giving him shorter responses over text and making excuses when he asked to hang out. It wasn’t working. 

“Something’s wrong.” Rafe announced to his roommates, frowning when he received another half-hearted reply from Sophie. He’d tried to make plans with her three times that week and she somehow had a new thing she had to handle each time. 

“What do you mean, something’s wrong?” Colin asked. 

“It’s Sophie. She’s all off.” Rafe frowned. “Ever since we went home she’s been all weird. And now she won’t hang out with me.” 

“She’s probably busy, dude, doesn’t she have an internship this semester?” 

“How busy can someone really be during syllabus week?” James interjected.

“Week after, but real helpful, dude.” Colin chucked a dirty sock at James, and both of them started throwing random things across the room, yelling unintelligibly, until Rafe spoke up. “Hey. Hey! Knock it off!” 

Both boys had the decency to look a little sheepish as they settled down, James taking a seat on the couch next to Rafe. “Show me what she’s saying. Maybe you’re overthinking.” 

Colin flopped down on the other side of him. “Yeah, and didn’t you guys basically spend every day together over break? Maybe she needs some space.” 

“She’s my girlfriend, why would she need space from me?” Rafe frowned, handing his phone to James. 

James took his time to read through, trying to keep his expression neutral. “Huh.” 

“Fuck, that bad?” 

“No, no, not bad.” James paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “Maybe you just need to slow things down a little. You don’t need to see each other every single day just because you’re dating.” 

“I know that, but we’ve hardly talked all week. And she was weird at home too. I didn’t do something at the party, did I?” Rafe asked, trying to think back. 

“Uh...” Colin and James exchanged glances before Colin shook his head. “No, nothing out of the ordinary.” 

“Good. I’m gonna call her.” Rafe declared, leaving the room. Sophie didn’t pick up until the fourth ring. “Hey, Rafe, I’m walking to my freshman seminar, can I call you later?” 

“Convenient.” He mumbled before he could think. 

“I - what?” She replied, slightly taken aback. 

“Nothing, sorry. Yeah, can we hang out later? I can pick you up from the architecture building?” 

“Um...yeah. I’m done at seven.”

“Deal, I’ll be there.” He hung up before he could let himself say another dumb comment, while Sophie just stared at her phone in confusion after the dial tone. His comment weighed on her all through the class, and she was grateful it was just another lecture day she didn’t need to pay attention to instead of a technical day. When they got out a little early, she texted him right away. 

Sophie: _just gonna walk home, we can talk tomorrow?_

Rafe: _I got here early, I’m parked on the side street_

She took a deep breath and made her way out the building to his car - the fucking Range Rover that she had never given a second thought about until now. It was just another reminder of what she wasn’t. 

“Hey, Soph.” Rafe greeted her with a kiss once she slid into the passenger seat. She gave him a short smile. “Hey. How’d you know I’d be out early?” He shrugged, starting the car. “Only the second week of school, I just figured. Do you want to go get ice cream or something?” 

“I can’t, I have my first full day of my internship tomorrow and need to get things ready.” She started playing with her necklace, growing a little antsy. 

He glanced over. “Oh. Are you doing this every Monday?” 

“Monday and Wednesday nights, yeah. It’s kind of a lot, but I wanted to do one more TA class before senior year.” 

“That is a lot. Sounds like you’ll be busy.” He tapped his fingers on the wheel, staring ahead and listening to steady rhythm of rain that picked up around them.

She just hummed in agreement, falling silent again. After a few moments, she reached for the radio, and he gently knocked her hand away. “Sophie, what’s your deal?” 

“My _deal_?” She repeated. “I don’t have a deal, I’m just trying to figure out how to balance work and class. What’s your deal?” She shot back to him, growing defensive. 

“And me?” 

“What?” 

“You’re trying to figure out how to balance me, too?” He glanced over again, jaw set. This was not at all how he wanted this conversation to go - but it also felt good to finally get it out, so he didn’t stop himself. 

“Where the fuck is this coming from, Rafe?” She turned in her seat to fully face him, arms crossed. 

“You’ve been like this for a moment. Before school started, so you can’t use that excuse.” He pulled up front on the street outside Theta and turned off the car so he could fully face her. 

She backed down a little, shrinking back into her seat. “Have I? I’m not sure about that.” 

Rafe frowned and reached out for her hand, but she pulled it back. “Soph, come on. Talk with me.” 

“I am talking. There’s nothing to talk about. I’m just balancing things.” She insisted, biting the inside of her cheek hard to keep her composure. In her mind, there would be nothing worse than showing him how much she was struggling at the moment - she just needed to work things out with herself, and she’d be fine.

He regarded her carefully, unsure. “Maybe...maybe we should take a break.” He said it all in one breath, extremely wary of her reaction. “Just for a couple weeks. I’ll back off.” 

Sophie nodded in agreement without any hesitation. “Yeah. We should.” 

Rafe’s face twisted in disappointment. He swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were almost white, avoiding her gaze. “Okay.” 

“Okay.” She stopped, almost reaching out to touch him, question it, but changed her mind at the last minute. She grabbed her backpack and got out of the car, wincing when the door accidentally slammed shut behind her. 

He flinched at her slamming the door, eyes still trained out the window. Rafe still waited until she was safely inside, then waited a moment longer to catch his breath, feeling like he had been punched in the gut. 

A break, accepted without any pause. 


	3. heartbreak like a hangover

In the three minutes it took Sophie to climb the stairs to her room, the realization of what she had just agreed to hit her like a ton of bricks. In her mind, she was thinking Rafe was giving her space just like she needed, time to figure out how she was going to juggle all her priorities at once - including him. She sucked in a deep breath once she was finally in the safety of her room, on the verge of panic. 

“Sophie?” Allie asked, concerned. She was the only one in the room when Sophie came back. “What’s wrong?”

“I - fuck, Allie, I just fucked up.” Sophie wrapped her arms around herself tightly and leaned her back against the wall, trying to make sense of the conversation.

* * *

“Do you need something?” Allie stood, frowning and gently touched Sophie’s shoulder. 

“Can I be alone for a minute?” Sophie squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to show she was about to cry. 

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Allie grabbed her phone and paused before leaving. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be okay. Okay?” 

“I don’t know.” Sophie frowned, her voice shaky. Allie just nodded and touched her shoulder again before slipping out the door to give her some space. Once she was sure Allie had walked away, Sophie let out a pathetic sob, biting her knuckles to stay quiet. She felt stupid for even wanting to cry over this, something she had caused, but allowed herself a moment of pity. Just a moment, and okay, maybe a moment more.

She crawled into bed still in her clothes from class, toed off her sneakers and pulled her pillow over her head. Every time she thought about what she had said to Rafe, and what he asked for, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. He wouldn’t even look at her after she said it, so fucking confident, as if he had just offered her some time to think when really he was proposing a full pause to their relationship. After thinking about it more, she came to the conclusion that he’d been prepared for this conversation, he’d probably been thinking about it for a while. Sure, she could explain what she was thinking, but what if that’s what he really wanted all along? Space from her?

They’d spent almost every day together over break, after all, maybe that was too much for him. Maybe he found he didn’t like her that much after all, that she was only fun when they were flirting and play-fighting. She’d always been the same way, thinking the chase was more fun than the catch, but Rafe was different to her. Maybe it was just the same for him.

Sophie worked herself into a tirade of self doubt, crying harder and harder as she compared herself to past girlfriends of Rafe’s (though she could only recall high school) and thought about all the things she couldn’t offer him. Money. Expensive gifts. Lavish vacations. Hell, she couldn’t even offer him that much time this semester, knowing her schedule was going to be packed full. Maybe he knew this all along, just didn’t want to be the one to say it.

She’d been through a “break” before - freshman year. She was eighteen and naive, and gladly accepted taking a break over the winter holiday without putting two and two together that it’s much easier to break up with someone when your relationship is on hold. That relationship held nothing to what she had with Rafe, but she felt herself wanting to be sick thinking about what she had done. 

It’s funny how heartbreak can feel like a hangover.

After a couple hours, Julia and Allie returned to the room quietly, a pint of ice cream in hand. They found Sophie asleep with the lights on, mascara smudged under her eyes. Allie knelt down next to her, gently nudging her awake. “Sophie, you gotta get up and change, okay?” 

Sophie rubbed her eyes hard as she slowly sat up, pressing her hands against her head. “Is it late?” 

“Only around nine. You can go back to sleep, just figured you’d want to take your makeup off? Or not sleep in jeans?” Julia frowned, looking her over. Sophie nodded, still half asleep, and got up to kick off her clothes and pull on sweatpants and a t-shirt instead. She paused when pulling out a shirt, purposely avoiding three of Rafe’s that sat in her drawer. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Allie asked softly, holding up the pint of ice cream and a spoon. Sophie finished taking her makeup off, then turned back to them. “Maybe tomorrow? I just...I don’t...” Her voice cracked and she ducked her head down, quickly rubbing away a stray tear. 

Julia crossed the room first and pulled her into a hug, holding her tight. Sophie stayed stiff in her arms, taking short shallow breaths. “It’s going to be alright, Soph. Whatever it is, you can fix it.” 

“Maybe.” Sophie mumbled and Julia finally let go. She stepped back and gave her space, and Sophie returned to her bed straightaway, curling up under the covers. After a few hesitant moments and mouthed words, the girls left her alone again. 

_

Two hours after talking to Sophie, Rafe finally returned to the Delt house. He couldn’t think of anything to do except go for a drive, going straight down the highway away from Columbus. He only turned around once he pulled the car over, after realizing he was crying and couldn’t see the road through the rain pouring outside. When he felt his cheeks, wet to the touch, he punched the steering wheel, wanting to scream. Every single moment of their conversation replayed in his head - god, how things could go so wrong in a fifteen-minute drive home. 

Did he push her too much? Was it his snap at her, was it him being too overbearing and picking her up even though she asked to talk the next day? He wasn’t sure, but he knew she didn’t pause for a moment when he suggested a break. Why he even suggested it in the first place was beyond him - maybe it was a chance for her to give in, to explain why she’d felt so distant. 

He never expected her to say yes. 

_ 

The next two weeks were absolute hell for Sophie. 

She was doing everything in her power to keep herself from thinking about what had happened, making herself work until two or three am every night. She prepped for schoolwork weeks in advance, staking her claim in the architecture studio, and stayed an extra hour at the office for her internship when she could. (That was promptly shut down after a week, when her boss had to tell her to go home for the fourth time in a row.) 

She was exhausted, working herself to a breaking point of stress - one she was used to during finals week, not at the beginning of the semester. Her distraction tactic hardly worked anyways, as she found herself writing Mies van der Rafe in her notes instead of van der Rohe. She wore the sweater Rafe gave her for Christmas one day despite her brain telling her no, and the smell of his cologne in the fabric had her sidetracked the entire day. 

There were several moments she almost texted him, drafting up a short message about a new song she found that reminded her of him or wanting to tell him about her favorite new professor. Each time her thumb hovered over the send button, moments away, then she hastily deleted and hoped he hadn’t seen the typing bubble pop up. Even if she missed him like hell, she wanted to respect his space, give him time for the break he had asked for. 

_ 

“Come on, we’re going out.” James threw the blankets off Rafe’s bed, duvet and all. “Get the fuck up.” 

Rafe groaned, pulling his pillow over his head. He had been miserable the past two weeks, sure that his relationship was doomed. All he had done was go to class, do the bare minimum for his assignments and taking notes, then came home again to watch movies, sleep, or run. Colin had confiscated Rafe’s tennis shoes once he tried going on his third run of the day, and James confiscated Rafe’s DVD of _The Da Vinci Code_ after his fourth watch. (He didn’t find it a coincidence that the lead female protagonist was also named Sophie.)

“Either you shower on your own or we’re forcing you in. Get up.” Colin added. The two boys had given Rafe his time to process, but when he refused to talk to them about what had happened and just moped around instead, they decided to take action. 

Rafe got out of bed with a groan, throwing the sheets back onto his bed. “Fuck you both.” 

“Aw, buddy, you don’t mean that. Go take a fucking shower.” James clapped Rafe on the back, handing him his towel. Surprisingly, Rafe didn’t protest much and ambled down the hall. 

“That’s something.” Colin remarked when Rafe came back in, freshly showered. 

“I’m not going out.” Rafe retorted. James stopped him from trying to pull on a fresh pair of sweatpants. “Yes, you are. Real person clothes. Quit being a wet blanket.” 

“Excuse me for being upset over my girlfriend breaking up with me.” Rafe mumbled. 

Both James and Colin stopped in their tracks, surprised he had finally admitted something and surprised it was so finite. “That doesn’t sound right. Are you sure?” Colin asked. 

“No. Fine. We’re on a fucking break. Which is practically the same thing.” Rafe pulled on the clothes James had set out for him, though not without a few extra dramatic grumbles. 

“No, no, dude, that’s not the same at all. A break is temporary.” James reassured him, handing him his coat. “Do you wanna talk about it or do you wanna get fucked up?” 

Rafe debated, glancing back and forth between his bed and the door. “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

Colin nodded. “Great, let’s go then. The rest of the guys already left.” 

It only took Rafe three drinks and two shots until he was confessing his feelings. A girl slid up to him at the bar, complimenting his hair (that was ungelled, just how Sophie liked it) and placing a hand on his arm. “That was how Sophie flirted.” Rafe told her with a big sigh. 

She gave him a confused look, pulling back her hand. “Sophie?” 

“My girlfriend.” He clarified. “Well. Ex girlfriend. We’re on a break, I don’t know what that means.” 

“Okay...” The girl nodded just to be polite, looking like she regretted ordering a more time-consuming drink as both of them waited at the bar. 

“I love her. I haven’t told her yet though. But I asked her if she wanted the break. I think. I don’t remember.” 

The girl frowned. “Why would you do that if you love her? That doesn’t make sense.” 

“I know.” Rafe lamented, frowning. “I miss her so much. She smells like lemons, you know, and that flower that makes you sleepy.” 

“Lavender?” The girl supplied.

Rafe snapped his fingers. “Yeah, that’s it.” When the bartender handed him their drinks, he frowned. “I’m sorry, I don’t even know you. I just miss her. I need to call her.” 

“S’okay.” She had paid for his drink when he wasn’t paying attention, taking pity on him. “Call her in the morning though, when you’re sober. Trust me.” 

Rafe nodded. “When I’m sober. Got it.” She nodded and gave him a small smile, then made her exit. Unfortunately for him, he forgot the conversation almost as quickly as it had happened, choosing to drink more instead. Once the boys finally got him to quit, he was unsteady, leaning on every surface available. Both James and Colin had to wrestle him into an Uber then drag him up the stairs to their room. “M’ sorry.” He mumbled for the fourth time in a row, practically collapsing into his bed.

“You’re a mess, dude, get your shit together.” Colin reprimanded. “Talk to her, or something.” 

“Can’t. Told her two weeks. Giving her time.” 

“It’s been two weeks. It is today, at least.” James pointed out, handing Rafe a bottle of water to sober him up. 

“Oh.” He accepted the water, frowning. “She hasn’t said anything.” 

“It’s barely two weeks, it’s one am. She’s not going to call you now.” Colin reasoned. “You gonna tell us what happened or not?” 

Rafe paused, considering. “I think it might’ve been the Christmas party? She was being weird that night. Dunno why. She met my dad.” 

James nodded in recognition. “Oh. You should have just started with that.”

“Huh?” 

“Your house is kind of intimidating. And your dad.” Colin told him, point-blank. 

“Yeah, you took us to visit the Outer Banks on a private plane for spring break freshman year. That’s not normal.” James added. 

“But you guys grew up together, she must have known all that already. Right?” Colin asked. 

Rafe sat back against the wall, head spinning a little. “Yeah...right.” 

“Convincing.” James handed Rafe another water bottle, watching him put two and two together. 

“I can’t think straight.” He confessed. “This is too much.” 

“Go to bed and we can talk it out tomorrow, okay?” Colin set two ibuprofen on Rafe’s nightstand for the next morning. “You guys can fix this, Rafe.” 

“Sophie calls me that.” He practically whined, flopping back onto the bed again. 

James snorted. “That’s your name, buddy. Everyone calls you that.” 

“Still.” 

“Okay. You’re not as sober as I thought you were. Drink the rest of your water and you can sleep.” 

Rafe nodded and drank the rest, then tossed the bottle back to James. “She’ll talk to me in the morning? Promise?” 

“Uh...yeah. Sure. Promise.” Colin gave him a pitying look. “Just go to sleep, man. It’ll get better.” 

_

“Okay, you can’t do this anymore.” Julia interrupted Sophie’s train of thought, grabbing her laptop away from her. Sophie was holed up in the study room of Theta at 1am, again, doing everything she could to keep herself busy. 

“Hey! Give it back.” Sophie grabbed for it, but Julia held her laptop out of her reach. Allie picked up Sophie’s mug and dumped it in the water fountain. “Coffee, Soph? This late?”

“I was working.” She protested weakly, reaching out. 

“Sophie, you have your homework done for the entire month of February. And it’s barely the end of January.” Allie flicked through Sophie’s notebook, shaking her head. 

“Just in one class. Just little quizzes.” 

“That’s not normal. You’re working too much.” Julia argued. “And it’s a Friday. Come on, you have to go to bed.” 

“I can’t.” Sophie frowned, backing down more and more. “And I can’t tell you why. It’s fucking pathetic.” 

Julia shook her head and sat next to her, Allie still standing with arms crossed. “We’re not going to make fun of you, you know that.” 

Sophie let out a big sigh, pressing her fingers to her temples. “I keep dreaming about him. He’s being sweet, or giving me things, and then sometimes I kick him off the edge of a cliff.” 

Julia couldn’t help herself and snorted. “Lovely.” 

“It’s not funny! I fucked up a good thing. And now I don’t know if I can fix it.” She bit the inside of her cheek. 

“Can I be honest?” Allie asked.

“When are you not?” 

Allie laughed a little at that. “Honestly, I think you’re being dumb. You’re letting this whole money thing get to your head, and I’ve never seen you less confident. That’s not you, Soph.” 

Julia nodded. “You and Rafe are good together, he makes you happy. You know that. Besides, if you’re going to date a man, he might as well be rich.” 

“That is...so not helpful.” Allie sighed. 

Sophie laughed out loud, for what felt like the first time in days. “It’s a little true. I just need to talk to him, don’t I?” 

“Exactly. I’m sure he’s not doing well either.” Julia added. 

“He hasn’t reached out at all.” She told them, twisting her rings she wore daily as her usual anxious habit. 

“You’re the one that accepted the break. He’s probably just waiting for you first.” Allie pointed out. 

“Maybe.” Sophie sat back in her seat, thinking. “At the party, he said he had something important to say. He told me no l-word. What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Both Julia and Allie exchanged glances, Allie shaking her head.

“What?”

“Um...you’re going to have to figure that one out on your own, Soph.” Julia stood and offered her hand. “You need to sleep first though. If not for you, do it for us.” 

“Seriously, you’ve made us worried.” Allie nudged Sophie’s shoulder with her own once she stood. Sophie nodded and followed them upstairs, feeling a little more hopeful. 

_

The next morning, Rafe didn’t wake up until nearly noon. He checked his phone with a groan, seeing a single text notification.

Sophie: _hey. can I see you?_


	4. you're my favorite

When Rafe finally woke up, head pounding, he rolled over to check his phone like he always did first thing in the morning. (Then he was sorely reminded that the only time he didn’t do that was when Sophie stayed over.) When he saw the text from her, he practically shot out of bed, yanking his phone charger out of the wall in the process. He dialed Sophie’s number almost immediately - only taking a split second to have to scroll through his contacts, as they hadn’t talked on the phone in weeks. 

She’d been up since seven am, anxious as she waited for his reply. Both Julia and Allie had told her to wait, text him later in the day when he was actually awake so she wouldn’t stress herself out, but her nerves won out. Sophie was a little surprised to see him call first, expecting the cold shoulder through text for a moment. 

“Rafe? Hello?” 

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Soph, hey. I got your text.” 

Just the nickname alone made her feel sure of herself again. “Yeah...can I come over and we can talk? Is that okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, of course. You can head over, I’ll see you soon.” He smiled, almost instantly forgetting about the last two weeks he’d had. At her expense. The second he hung up, he caught the _look_ James was sending him. “What?” 

“You’re gonna let her off the hook that easy?” 

“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.” Rafe frowned. 

“She’s the one that hurt you here. Then she calls and you’re smiling like an idiot.” Colin told him, standing to give him space. James promptly whacked Colin upside the head. “It’s been two weeks, he’s not hurt. Don’t listen to him, Rafe.” 

He regarded the two of them with a little confusion. “Uh. I think it’ll be okay. Do you guys mind giving us the room?” 

“No, not at all.” James dragged Colin out of the room and Rafe could hear an argument brewing between the two of them, but decided not to listen in. Instead he hurriedly made his bed - and on second thought, Colin and James’ too - to make it look like he hadn’t spent all his free time in their room for the past two weeks. 

Sophie let herself into Delt, like always. (It felt oddly formal to have to text Rafe and ask to be let in.) She passed through the living room to the stairs and James called out to her, him and Colin pretending to study. “Hey, Sophie!” 

She turned and gave them a hesitant smile, hands shoved in her pockets. “Hi James. Hi Colin.” 

“It’s good to see you around. Just, uh, go easy on him, okay?” James returned the smile easily, while Colin stayed silent and didn’t look her way. 

Sophie frowned and stepped closer, lowering her voice. “Huh? I don’t understand.” 

Colin sighed exasperatedly, always blunt. “If you’re gonna hurt him -” 

“What? No!” She shook her head quickly. “No, I don’t want to - I’m not going to - look, I want to talk this out. Promise.” 

“Oh.” James nodded. “That’s not what I expected.” 

“I would _never_.” She emphasized. 

“Hm. Carry on, then.” Colin sat back into the couch and Sophie gave them one last look before nodding and heading up the stairs. She felt slightly more confident now, figuring the boys wouldn’t react that way if Rafe didn’t want to stay together. She paused just before entering his room and knocked, just once. 

Rafe took a deep breath before opening the door, then turned the knob and stepped back to let her in. She bit the inside of her cheek once she saw him, offering a small smile. “Hi.” 

“Hey.” He did the same, a slightly awkward tension growing between them. 

“Are you okay?” She frowned, looking over his expression, then her eyes flitted around the room for any sign of heartbreak. 

“I’m alright.” He paused. “I missed you.” 

“Fuck, I missed you too. So much.” Sophie lifted her hands just a bit toward him, then shoved them back in her pockets. “I’m so sorry, Rafe, I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t want this.” 

He cocked his head a little, floppy hair falling into his eyes. “Then why did you say yes? When I asked about the break?” 

“Because! I thought you wanted it!” 

“You thought I - what? No, god, I offered it hoping you wouldn’t want it!” Rafe exclaimed, letting out a quiet laugh. 

“Oh my god.” Sophie reached out, arms extended for a half-hearted hug, then stopped herself. “I’m sorry, can I -?” She barely got the rest of her words out before Rafe stepped closer too and crushed her in a tight hug. She wrapped her arms securely around his waist, burying her face in his chest. He held one hand to the back of her head, thumb stroking over her hair as he pressed his lips to the top of her head. “Missed this.” He mumbled. 

She nodded, growing a little teary. “Me too. Couldn’t stop thinking about you.” 

“Me either.” He confessed, not wanting to let her go. The two stood there for a moment until she pulled away first, only to reach up and kiss him. He kissed her back slowly, hands tight on her hips. “Soph.” He murmured. 

“Hm?” She mumbled back against his lips. 

“Still need to talk.” He pulled back, resting his forehead on hers. She nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. Let’s talk.” Sophie paused. “I’ll be open, promise.” 

Rafe kissed her shortly again before taking her hand, pulling her to the couch. He turned to face her but kept ahold of her hand, not willing to let her go just yet. “Can I ask you something?” 

She faced him, cross-legged. “Yeah, of course.” 

He hesitated, careful with his words. “Am I wrong to say you’ve been acting a little off? Since the Christmas party?” 

Sophie avoided his gaze for a moment, thinking over her answer. She was surprised someone could read her so well, almost so sure she had kept herself guarded enough from Rafe for him to pick up on it. “No. You’re not wrong.” 

He frowned, rubbing his thumb in gentle circles over the back of her hand. “But why? I thought we were in a good place with the two of us.” 

“We are, we are.” She reassured him quickly. “I just...” She paused to think, not sure how much she wanted to tell him, to truly let on how insecure she’d felt. “I just - you have this whole world around you, and people treat you differently because of who you are. Your dad looked like - I don’t know, disappointed that you brought me, and -”

“Sophie.” 

She kept rambling, more talking to herself now than anything. “I’m not in the same position as you, I can’t give you expensive things -” 

“Soph -” 

She barreled on anyways. “- and take you to fancy places, I can’t really measure up to your expectations -”

He reached out and squeezed her knee to break her train of thought. “Hey, hey, stop! Shh, please. Listen to me.” 

She bit the inside of his cheek, preparing herself for what he might say. Rafe laughed a little as he sensed her nervous anticipation and kissed her cheek, trying to lighten the mood. “I don’t expect any of that from you, baby. I don’t care. I really don’t.” 

“But I’m not like you.” 

“Good. Wouldn’t want to date someone like me anyways.” He pulled her close, his arm around her shoulders. 

“What about your dad?” She frowned. 

He shifted, a small scowl on his face. “I’ve talked with him. It won’t be an issue.”

“Oh.” She fell quiet and leaned into him, cuddling into his side. 

He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. “I hope I didn’t make you feel that way. About any of what you said.” 

“No, that’s the thing.” Sophie lifted her head to look him in the eye, giving him a shy smile. “You’re the constant in all this. It’s just me being dumb.” 

“Hey. Don’t call my girlfriend dumb.” He nudged her, grinning when she rolled her eyes. “Look, Soph, I want to treat you, okay? I know you like your independence, that’s part of why I -” Rafe stopped himself abruptly before he could finish the sentence. “Part of why I like you so much. But I want to do things like take you out for dinner and not have you worrying about when you’re going to pay me back.” 

She nodded, slowly. “You’re sure?” 

“Positive.” He kissed her, short and sweet. “I just need you to talk to me. I can’t read your mind.” 

“You should work on that.” 

He laughed and flicked her arm. “I’ll get right to it. Are we okay?” 

Sophie nodded again, meeting him with a kiss. “We’re okay. I’m sorry. I’ll do better.” 

“I will too, I should have picked up earlier that something felt off.” He tucked a small piece of hair behind her ear and gave her a wry smile. “You should have seen me the past two weeks, I was a wreck. Don’t wanna go through that again.” 

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t great either.” She admitted, dropping her head back to his shoulder. “I do have a really busy schedule this semester though. Like, way busier than I thought it’d be. So I might tell you I’m doing something, but I’m not making excuses, promise.” 

He hummed in acknowledgment. “We’ll make time, Soph. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You mean it?” 

“Always. You’re my favorite.” 

**Author's Note:**

> check me out over at @moldisgoodforyou on tumblr for the full masterlist!


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